i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
