I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it's like iHOP with fire
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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