THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
