At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
