Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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