OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
