Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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