I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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