So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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