I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
