yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
