U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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