Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
