even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he's gonorrhea incarnate
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
