She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
