My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
