my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
