Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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