y did u give ur computer a hand job?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My life is pants optional.
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