i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
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just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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