you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
