I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
