I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
