My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You made out with two different species that night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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