What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
