Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
