is your mom at the bar?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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