i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
