Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
