Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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