someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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