are you still at the devil's house?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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