Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
