did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
