She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
