she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
