capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
