yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
