Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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