Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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