I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
