he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
bring money and cleavage
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
