I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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