can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize