Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
