i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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