Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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