legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
