Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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