Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
