I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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