Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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