I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
