How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
