Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
