Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
