Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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