She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
