I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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