I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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