So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
