u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
