i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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