i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
