So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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