I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
