I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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