I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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