It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
